


speeding through red lights into paradise

by dizzy



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe, High School AU, M/M, so consider that a warning for vague discussion of mental health issues, though dan is sometimes sad, wow the fluffiest fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-14
Updated: 2016-04-14
Packaged: 2018-06-02 06:43:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6555778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dizzy/pseuds/dizzy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ian can't come on Phil's family trip to Florida with him, so of course Phil invites the guy he's hardly even talked to instead.</p>
            </blockquote>





	speeding through red lights into paradise

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to my magical lovely pixie beta reader, Delta.

Dan is a year below Phil in school. He's popular enough, mildly disruptive in the classroom, has a girlfriend with a pretty smile, and always seems to be nodding his head along to a tune that no one else can hear. He skips class, shows up hungover after gigs, and spends all his time with a group that parties together and doesn’t seem to have much else in common. 

Phil is popular, in a different way with a different crowd. He's everyone's friend and the teachers all like him. He had a girlfriend once for a week but she kissed another boy at the cinema and when people ask he just jokes that he's still recovering emotionally, even though maybe it isn't much of a joke at all. He doesn't do sport but he shows up at all the matches just to cheer his friends on. 

They aren't the kind of people that ever hang out. They are the kind of people who pass each other in the hall without a second look. 

*

"You can't go?" The disappointment is evident in Phil's voice. 

"No." Ian sounds equally miserable. "Broken leg, mate. I told mum I could just use crutches and everything, but she said if I can't be trusted not to break a bone just playing a match after school then I'd likely kill myself all the way in Florida." 

“But…” Phil says, and then sighs, because it’s not like he can whine his way into Ian’s leg unbreaking. 

Phil reports the sad news to his parents, who don't seem all that broken up. His mother tuts and tells him to send Ian well wishes and says, "Do you have another friend you want to bring along?" 

When he was a kid they used to offer up the chance to bring a friend along like it was a prize he had to earn through good behavior, and once granted the privilege could be taken away. Over the years he's come to realize that it's actually as much for their sake as it is his. Phil being occupied means his parents can slip off for time alone without feeling guilty about it. Phil doesn't mind. 

There aren't really any other friends, though. There's no one besides Ian, or maybe Anja (who is traveling with her parents right now anyway) that he can stand the idea of spending every day for two whole weeks with, or that he thinks would actually want that with him. But it makes his chest feel weird and heavy to admit that so instead he smiles and says, "I'll think about it." 

*

He walks to the park that night, like he sometimes does after dinner when he just wants out of the house for a bit. 

His parents usually think he's meeting someone. They even tease like maybe it's a girl sometimes, but the idea is almost laughable to Phil. He doesn't have a girlfriend. This is no cliched romantic rendezvous. It's just Phil enjoying the way the sound of birds at night make him shiver and the way the air gets crisp after dusk. 

He doesn't usually find anyone else at the park, so the sight of a lonely figure swinging idly still his steps outside the park gate. 

Dan's legs are too long for the swing. Phil has the same problem. To get going very high he has to stretch them straight out in front of him and it fucks with the balance. He watches Dan push back for momentum and then swing forward, tips of his shoes dragging the dirt under him. 

"It's going to rain, I think." Phil says. 

Dan jerks around, almost dislodging himself from the swing. "Motherfucker. You scared me."

"Sorry." Phil pushes the creaking gate open and then carefully shuts it behind him. He walks over to the play gym of metal poles and sits along a lower one. "There isn't usually anyone here at night." 

"Creep here often, then?" Dan looks him up and down. Phil has a moment of wondering if Dan even recognizes him, though they've been at the same school for two years. He surely must. 

"More often than you." Phil reaches up to grasp the bar over his head with both hands. 

"Yeah. Usually I've got a life." Dan sneers. 

"Why are you so angry?" Phil asks. "Is it me? I've never done anything to you."

That shuts Dan up. "I'm not - no. It's not you. sorry." The last word is almost mumbled. 

"So what is it, then?" Phil prompts. 

"Like you give a fuck." 

"Maybe I'm just nosy." 

Dan laughs. "Yeah. Okay. Well, if you want to listen to my bullshit - it's my parents." 

"Fight with them?" Phil is sympathetic, even if he can't really say he's in that situation all that often. 

"Not even," Dan says. "I didn't go home last night, and they didn't even notice. So I decided maybe I won't go home tonight, either." 

That sounds stupid to Phil, so he decides to say just that. "Where did you sleep?" 

"English class." Dan laughs. It's bitter and cold and most of all, underneath the rest, hopelessly sad. "Like every day." 

"You don't have friends?" 

Dan laughs again. It's a short, biting sound. "I have friends." 

"How is it you can say something but it sounds like what you mean is the total opposite?" Phil muses out loud. "It's not even like you're being sarcastic." 

"Trying to figure me out already? Good luck, mate." Dan kicks his feet again, sending up a cloud of dust and dirt. "I can't even figure myself out." 

"Most people can't," Phil says. "That's not so strange. Human brains are weird. But sometimes you can figure someone else out even when you can't yourself. So maybe if you just try to pretend like you're someone else talking to yourself?" 

Dan stares at him. "You're weird."

It shouldn't still hurt, but it does. "Yeah." Phil shakes his head, like he's dismissing himself from the conversation. "Later, then." 

He almost gets back to the gate before Dan calls out, "Wait." 

*

They sit in the park for another hour. It's past the point where Phil would normally be back home, but neither of his parents has rung him yet so they either haven't noticed or they trust him. 

He's not really sure why he's still lingering, except that Dan keeps giving him nervous little looks that freeze him to the spot even though he doesn't understand what's behind them. 

"You should go home," Phil finally says. "I have to, soon." 

"Don't want to go anywhere." 

"Do you like Florida?" Phil asks. The words just jump right off his tongue, impulsive in a way he isn't often. 

"What the fuck?" Dan gives him an annoyed look. "What does Florida fucking matter?" 

"Do you like it?" Phil asks again. 

"Never been," Dan says. 

"Well." Phil's head is swimming. What is he doing? "Would you like to go?" 

*

The next day, Phil gets a phone call from a number that isn’t even in his contacts yet. 

“This isn’t some kind of trick, is it?” Dan demands to know. 

“Why would I want to trick you?” 

“I don’t know,” Dan says. 

“What would I even do?” Phil asks. “Get you to Florida and then go ‘surprise, just kidding! Here’s your ticket back home?’” 

Dan is quiet, and then: “Maybe you are part of a family of cannibals who lure young flesh across international borders then feast on them.” 

 

Phil laughs, that ugly kind of laugh he always hates so much when other people are around to see. “If we wanted a good meal, we wouldn’t go for you. There’s no meat on you at all.” 

“Should have caught me a few years ago then,” Dan mumbles. 

Phil refrains from saying that he thinks Dan looked just fine a couple years ago. Dan hangs up anyway, so it’s not like he’d have had the chance even if he wanted. 

His mum talks to Dan’s mum on the phone the next day, sorting out arrangements.

*

"Dan?" Anja asks. "Dan Howell?" 

Phil sighs. "Yeah." 

Anja laughs. 

She laughs a _lot_. 

"You are so fucked, mate!" She says, utter glee in her voice. 

Because the thing is... Anja knows. She knows Phil's deep, dark secrets - and Phil knows hers. He knows that in grade seven she snogged Mary Crump behind the big tree in the park and that they called each other girlfriend for six months, until Mary's dad got a new job and they moved away. 

He's the only one that knows. And she's the only one that knows that he fancies boys as much as he does girls. (Maybe more, sometimes, but that's a whole confusing mess in his mind that he's at a pleasant truce with figuring out.) 

She's definitely the only one that knows about how he spend a whole school term infatuated with a boy he'd really never even spoken to. 

"I don't know why I did it," Phil admits. "I got over - _that_ \- years back." 

She just laughs. "I dunno. Maybe you didn't get rid of it at all. Maybe your maelstrom of emotion just lay dormant in you." 

"What stupid American teenage drama are you quoting that from?" Phil asks. 

"I'll have you know that Dawson's Creek was very pivotal to me in my formative years." Anja huffs indelicately. "But we were talking about you now, weren't we? And how you're going to have two weeks to woo Dan Howell into liking boys?" 

"Anj." Phil's voice goes quiet. "He's got a girlfriend, you know that." 

"Yeah." Suddenly she doesn't sound like she finds it quite so funny anymore. "Man, you're stupid." 

He laughs, even though he doesn't find it that funny, either. "Yeah. I am." 

*

Their seats on the plane are side by side, behind Phil's mum and dad and across from Martyn and his friend. 

"Have you been to America before?" Phil asks. 

Dan shakes his head. "But don't worry, I've been been thoroughly indoctrinated by popular culture and the entertainment industry. I won't embarrass you." 

His voice has that sarcastic edge that makes Phil feel like he ought to apologize. "I didn't think you would." 

"Sure." Dan doesn't seem to believe him. 

"I just want to play tour guide," Phil says. "American's fun. It's huge, and just really different, you know? Our house there isn't too far from a big shopping center and we always rent bikes. There's a cinema and an arcade and a big mall. You swim - you swim, right?" 

"I guess," Dan says. "Well enough. Will we swim in the ocean?" 

"Um." Phil says. "You can. I - don't." 

"Why not?" 

"I just... don't like to." Phil shrugs. 

Dan's eyes narrow. "Can you not swim?" 

"Yeah, just - not in the ocean. It's..." Phil finally gives up this notion that he can bluster his way through this without looking stupid. "Scary. It's scary. You don't know what's in there." 

"Aw, you're scared of the water?" Dan's actually grinning. It's a good look on him. "See Jaws too many times as a kid?" 

Phil shudders. "So, I don't swim in the ocean. But we can still go. There's a boardwalk that's nice." 

He decides not to mention that he'll only go so far up the boardwalk, only to the part that's built over sand. As cute as that dimple popping out on Dan's cheek might be, his ego can only take so much ridicule. 

He loses Dan after that, first to his own thoughts as Dan stares out the window and then to sleep. 

(Dan looks peaceful when he sleeps.) 

*

The house they rent each year has three bedrooms. The master suite is his parents, tucked away at the other end of the house. The two far bedrooms are across from each other at the end of a hall. The bigger one has two full sized beds, the smaller bedroom two twins. 

"That's a rip off," Dan says, dropping his bag onto the twin bed closest to the door. "Why do you get the smaller room?" 

Phil shrugs. "I'm the younger brother." 

Phil used to complain about it but for years Martyn claimed the bigger bed because he was taller and his feet hung over the twin. Phil's outgrown it now, but years after the fight went out of him. 

"Makes me glad I'm not," Dan says. 

"Do you have any siblings?" Phil asks. 

"A little brother. And a dog that I think my mum loves more than me. But that's okay. I love the dog more than I love me, too." 

There are a million things Phil could say back to that but he settles on, "I like dogs, too." 

Dan just laughs at him. "This place has wifi, right?"

*

Dan doesn't sleep much. 

Phil writes it off as jetlag at first. He's familiar with the way it takes a couple days to get his body clock adjusted. Dan looks exhausted through the family dinner, voice low and slow and eyes blinking heavily every few seconds. He's quiet but the rest of Phil's family talks so much that it doesn't seem strange. 

Dan seems to like them, though. He smiles so sincerely when Phil's mum asks him questions, and he and Martyn talk about Formula One in a way that almost makes Phil feel jealous. 

But when it comes time to lay down in bed, Dan pulls out his laptop and says, "The light won't bother you, will it?" 

"No," Phil says, and usually it wouldn't but his mind isn't sure if it should be asleep or awake in this not-quite-familiar place so he's up far longer than he'd like listening to the faint sound of music coming through Dan's headphones and the sounds of his fingers on the keys.

Dan sleeps until two pm the next day. Phil doesn't want to wake him. He thinks it would be rude. Phil is up by half eleven and helps himself to a breakfast bowl of cereal. He takes it back to the bedroom with him, ignoring the fact that there are so many other places in the house he could be. 

It's not because he likes to sneak looks at the way Dan's hair is mussed and curling a little or the lanky way his limbs hold a pillow to him. It's not that at all. 

*

"Oh," Dan says, waking up. 

He rolls onto his back and rubs his eyes. When he stretches, the t-shirt he slept in rides up. 

"Good morning," Phil says. 

Dan ignores him to yawn into his hand, then gets up and goes to the bathroom. 

It's the first day, Phil thinks. It's always a little strange. 

Dan looks wary when he comes back after brushing his teeth and washing his face. "So." 

"So." Their eyes lock briefly. "Mario Kart?" 

Dan's smile is like flipping a switch. "I'll kick your ass." 

Strange is okay. Strange isn't bad. "Nah, I'm good." 

Dan spends the next four hours kicking his ass at a video game. Dinner is pizza on the deck, and after dinner is a board game that Dan sits awkwardly through, though he laughs a couple of times. 

*

Dan doesn't sleep again that night. Phil decides it doesn't matter. 

Phil starts to spend the mornings with his mum. 

She doesn't ask about Dan, but she keeps giving him these long looks. She'll ask before too long. 

He's not sure what he'll say, but maybe, he thinks, he'll finally start with the truth. 

*

On their third evening, Dan asks if they can go to the beach. 

Phil's very prepared. He's prepared with sun cream, so he doesn't burn to a lobster red crisp. He's prepared with bottles of water, so they don't dehydrate in the Florida summer sun. He's prepared with American money in his pocket so they can buy something for lunch while they're out. He's prepared with a book and an extra towel just for sitting on so he won't be bored while Dan swims, because he's sure as hell not going in the ocean himself. 

What he's not prepared for is the way Dan strips his t-shirt off and drops it beside Phil, then takes off for the lapping waves with delight. 

He's certainly not prepared for the way Dan looks walking back toward Phil, hair curly from the water and droplets still clinging to his skin. 

Phil swallows hard against the sudden tightening in his belly and his groin. 

(Anja was right. He's so stupid.) 

*

Phil wants to be someone's boyfriend. He's just never wanted to be anyone specific's boyfriend. 

He likes the idea of having a person that is meant to be his. Someone he can kiss and - well. Do other stuff with. 

Ian likes the same movies and television shows that he does. Ian will go to the cinema with him, or come over after school and play video games. But he's never felt this warmth all the way around and through him from doing any of those things with Ian. 

The more he gets to know Dan, the worse the feeling gets. And he does get to know, because suddenly they're just talking... constantly talking. 

Phil had this idea in his head that Dan would be quiet. Dan is anything but quiet. Once he starts talking, he almost doesn't stop. He has long rambling interpretations of every song he hears. He has opinions on every movie or tv series he's already watched. He's insatiably curious. He'll drag a joke out so long that Phil starts to get genuinely annoyed. He's got a competitive streak but he doesn't mind losing as long as he doesn't lose by too embarrassing a margin, then he goes all sullen and angry but even through it all he's not really _quiet_.

He likes Dan. Not in a shallow infatuation way, but not in a friend way, either.

"Why weren't we ever friends?" Phil asks, the words bursting out of his mouth. 

Dan shrugs. "We run in different circles." 

"That's dumb, though," Phil says. "I'm friends with lots of different people." 

"You're friends with everyone. That's not the same, it doesn't count. You just have no standards." Dan waves his hand like it doesn’t matter. 

The dismissal hurts. "I have standards," Phil mumbles. 

There's silence and when Phil looks up, Dan is staring at him. "I didn't mean it like that."

"I think you did." Phil tries to smile. He doesn't think it works. 

"You're just - you're nice to everyone. So how is anyone supposed to know if you really like them or if you're just, like, feeling sorry for them?" 

"I don't feel sorry for you," Phil says. "I don't." 

"I guess," Dan answers, which isn't really an answer at all. "If you say so." 

*

“What else is there to do around here?” Dan asks. 

“Getting bored?” Phil asks. 

Dan shrugs. "Your parents are home today." 

"Oh." Phil's never minded hanging around the house with his family, and Ian and Anja never really have either. But if Dan does, then that's okay. "We could go to the arcade?" 

"Like, with video games?" Dan's face brightens. 

*

Dan is a fan of video games, it turns out. 

(He's also a fan of corn dogs, and laying in the sun until his skin turns a shade or two warmer, and eating the weird, hard little kernels of popcorn in the bottom of a bag. Phil's learning a lot.) 

"Martyn used to have to come here with me," Phil says. They're playing against each other. Dan's winning. Phil thinks maybe if he talks enough he can distract Dan. (He only really ends up distracting himself.) "I was too young, and I'd want to come play Pac-Man and Mum would make him give up his afternoons to babysit me." 

"What did he have better to do than this?" Dan asks. "This is awesome. I've never been in one so big." 

"Find girls on the beach, probably." 

"Yeah?" Dan asks. "You ever do that?" 

"No." He glances over at Dan, and loses a life. "Damnit." 

"Why not?" Dan looks over at him. "You could. You're fit enough." 

"Just didn't want to," Phil says. Then he realizes how weird that must sound and he doesn't want Dan to ask him any more questions about it, doesn't even know what he'd answer if Dan did. So he smiles too brightly and adds, "You should have seen me two years ago. I'd have just been embarrassing myself." 

"I did," Dan says. "Dyeing your hair was a good call. The black looks better. And you started wearing shirts that weren't so big. Like that one. Makes your shoulders look nice." 

Phil has no idea what to say. Dan's staring ahead at the screen again, but he must not be paying too much attention. "Thanks," he finally says. "Want to go get a slushie?" 

"Yeah. Let me just-" A few twists of a knob and jabs of a button, and then a quiet curse. "Oh well. Come on." 

* 

They sit side by side on a picnic table painted in a neon pink that glows bright under the black lights of the arcade. There haven't been too many words exchanged between them, each just quietly contemplating their melting drinks. 

Dan goes quiet like this sometimes. Phil isn't sure if it's because he's unhappy or just mad or maybe he's just... quiet, in his mind. 

Maybe he's regretting coming to Florida and tired of Phil being his constant shadow. The thought makes Phil's stomach go heavy and sick feeling. 

Phil pitches his half-finished drink into the bin near the table. 

"I'm gonna go," he says. Dan's head turns sharply to look at Phil. "Over there. And play Centipede. You can come join me when you're done?" 

There aren't any drinks allowed near the machines. If Dan wants to be alone, he can just... take his time. 

"Oh." Dan looks down. The quiet expression gets quieter. "Okay." 

* 

Phil's not doing too badly, really. 

"Wow, that's such a high score," a voice says. 

He jumps and maybe squeaks a little when he sees a girl standing at his shoulder. She's got blonde hair pulled back into a ponytail and she's only wearing a bikini top and shorts. He stares, then says, “Oh, thanks?” 

"Oh my God, you're British!" Her eyes go wide and she smiles. "Your accent is so cool." 

"Yours too!" Phil says. "Are you from here?" 

She laughs. "No, just here with some friends. We wanted to make it down for spring break but it didn't happen so we decided to try it out during the summer." 

"My family comes here every year," Phil says. The timer on his game is ticking down, but it feels like it'd be rude to turn back to it now. 

Also, the view... it's not bad. He doesn't mean to keep looking. They're just - right there. 

"That's so sweet, you're here with your family." When she smiles, she has a dimple. It's not quite as cute as Dan's. 

As if summoned by Phil's guilty comparison, Dan suddenly appears. He walks up from behind her, stepping around her as if she doesn't exist. His fingers reach out and Phil's shirt sleeve, tugging gently. "Hey. There you are." 

"Just where I said I'd be." Phil gives him an unsure smile. 

Dan is standing very close. He lets go of Phil's shirt sleeve, but his arm brushes Phil's when he drops it down to his side. "Yeah. Good. I wouldn't want to lose you in here." 

The girl looks back and forth between them. "Well, look, here's my number, if you want to hang out." She holds a slip of paper she'd clearly come prepared with out, then looks at Dan. Her voice gets even more unsure, but she ploughs ahead, admirably committed to finishing what she started. "I could invite some friends." 

Dan manages to somehow stand even closer. Phil might be dense, but even he can pick up on something weird about this. 

He takes the number and gives her the dorkiest wave he's ever managed before she walks away. 

Dan's expression is stormy. "Told you you were fit enough," he mumbles. 

"Yeah," Phil says. 

He folds the number up and walks a few feet away to drop it in the bin. 

Then he looks back at Dan, pointedly. 

Dan smiles at him, a slow growing one that warms Phil from the inside out.

Everything feels okay again. 

*

It's four am and Dan's still awake. 

Phil was asleep, but a siren outside disturbed him. He turns onto his side and looks at Dan, whose face is blue in the wash of laptop light. "Why did you get mad at me earlier?" He asks, quiet to match the weird hour and weird question. 

Dan's eyes turn toward him. He doesn't seem surprised. "You could have kept her number, if that's what you wanted." 

"Didn't say I wanted to," Phil says. "Just wanted to know why it made you angry." 

Dan closes his laptop and lays down, on his side facing Phil. The space between the beds is small enough that if they both reached their hands out, their fingers would touch in the middle. "I don't like being alone." 

"I'm not going to abandon you, Dan. I invited you here, remember?" Phil asks, voice soft. 

"Still don't know why," Dan answers. He wraps his arms around his pillow, hair falling in his face. "But I'm glad you did." 

"Me, too." Phil reaches out. He's not sure why he does it, but it feels right. His heart pounds as Dan stares at his outstretched fingers and for a moment he's terrified Dan's just going to leave the gesture hanging, but then Dan reaches out too and lets Phil clasp their fingers together. Dan's hands are big, bigger than his own, and he's embarrassed by the physical reaction he has to such an innocent touch. But Dan is smiling and it's a long thirty seconds before Phil lets go. "Goodnight, Dan." 

*

It rains in the morning. 

Phil plays his Nintento DS while Dan sleeps in. 

* 

By afternoon the ground is barely even dewy and the sun is bright. “That’s how rain works in Florida,” Phil says. “It’s like the weather never sorted out what it’s supposed to be doing. The sun shines during a thunderstorm.” 

“Poetic,” Dan says, voice dry. "Let's go get ice cream." 

Dan's been antsy since he woke up, pacing around. He keeps looking at Phil - not saying much, just _looking_. 

It never takes much to talk Phil into ice cream. "Okay," he says, getting money from his dad and following Dan out to where the bikes are. 

Phil gets a toppling cone with chocolate, fudge swirl, and maple pecan with a caramel drizzle. Dan's tidy by comparison, vanilla and strawberry dipped in a chocolate shell he has to crack with his teeth to get past. 

When Phil goes to pay, Dan stops him. "I can. I've got money." 

"You do?" Phil asks. He's paid for most everything they've done so far. 

Dan rolls his eyes. "Did you really think my parents shipped me off to another country without getting me some American money?" 

"Oh." Phil is too contemplating that while Dan hands over the money. 

When Phil sits down, Dan grabs his arm again. "Let's walk instead?" 

"It'll melt," Phil points out. 

Dan grabs a bunch of napkins from the metal container. and shoves them into Phil's pocket. Phil almost drops his ice cream. "There." 

* 

“I had a weird dream last night,” Dan says, but does not elaborate. 

When he does not, Phil says, “Mine was about a firehouse that had dogs with three heads. I think watching the first Harry Potter last night was a bad idea.” 

“You’re so weird.” Dan says, but he’s smiling and he’s looking at Phil with a certain _softness_. “My dream was good. I liked it.” 

Phil wants to ask. He wants to ask so badly, but something in the back of his mind says that maybe it’s better left unsaid. 

*

They stay in again, playing board games with Phil’s family to meet the certain level of family togetherness his parents demand, and then everyone wanders off to their own little corners of the house. 

Martyn and his friend are out every night nearly, finding mischief in town. Phil is relieved Dan doesn’t seem like the type to want that. If anything, he looks relieved when Phil says maybe they should just stay in and watch something again. 

It’s not even that Phil doesn’t enjoy going out. He and Ian do, usually. They tag along with Martyn sometimes, because Martyn isn’t actually all that bad now that Phil’s older. But with Dan, Phil just doesn’t feel a need to go out and meet new people. He’s got something far too captivating right here beside him, and he’s fine with not having to share. 

*

They find half a bottle of tequila in Martyn's sock drawer. 

(Find is a relative term. Phil's known where Martyn stashes the booze since he was fourteen. He and Ian make a game of smuggling something out at least once every year.) 

"I like to play a Buffy the Vampire Slayer drinking game," Phil says, brandishing a folded up list of rules. 

Dan laughs at him. He actually full on laughs. "No way." 

Phil folds the list back up, sulking. "What would you rather play, then?" 

"Truth or dare," Dan says. 

"Truth or dare?" Phil asks. "Isn't that for like teenagers in dumb movies?" 

"I'd rather be a victim of living up to cliched stereotypes than a nerd." Dan swipes the tequila bottle and takes a drink. He hands it to Phil, who carefully places his lips exactly where Dan's just were. "A nerd with dumb games." 

"You love my dumb games." Phil's voice rolls with something he didn't really intend on, but he can't say he doesn't like the way it makes Dan's eyes cut away shyly. 

"Maybe I do," Dan says. 

The heat in his voice makes Phil feel like he's in way over his head. It's not a feeling he'd have expected to like this much. 

"Then your go first." 

"Shots?" Dan asks. "Or sips?" 

Phil shrugs. "Sips, I guess. I don't want to go get cups and wake my mum or dad up." 

"Okay, then. Truth or dare?" 

"Wait," Phil says. "We need rules." 

Dan laughs. "It's truth or dare, Phil. The rules are simple." 

"You can't do any dares that would get me in trouble," Phil says. 

"If you don't want to do the dare, you just drink." Dan shrugs. "Don't see the problem?" 

"You could give me impossible dares on purpose just to make me drink." Phil points out. 

Dan smirks. "I could. But, fine. All dares within the realm of reason. You go first." 

"I dare you to not make me play this dumb game." 

*

"Truth or dare?" 

"Truth." 

"Do you fancy anyone?" 

Phil looks at the bottle, and thinks about the question. "Yeah." 

"Who?"

"It's not your turn anymore. Truth or dare?" 

"Truth." 

"What would you do right now if you do could do anything?" 

Dan drinks. 

*

Ten rounds, four embarrassing confessions, one anonymous message sent to a teacher via facebook, and half a bottle gone. 

The space between them has disappeared, somehow. Phil feels woozy from more than the alcohol. This is nothing like getting drunk with Ian. 

*

"Truth or dare?" 

"I dare you to ask me if I'm single." Dan says. 

"What?" Phil is startled. "I know you aren't, you've been with-" 

"Phil." Dan says again, patiently. "Ask me if I'm single." 

"Are you single?" 

"Yes." Then he smiles, just a little wobbly one. "We broke up a couple weeks ago, but we really haven't been much more than friends like, this whole year. We even stopped having sex. Everyone else I know thinks I'm the worst person in the world for hurting her." 

Dan's so close his shoulder is pressed against Phil's. "Does she think that?" Phil asks. 

Dan contemplates the question. "I don't think so. She keeps texting me every few days to ask how I am. When I broke up with her, she just said she didn't know why I didn't do it sooner." 

"Why didn't you?" 

"Because I get lonely," Dan says. "And it gets bad, like, in my head. When I'm alone. I go to bad places without someone to talk to me." 

"Why'd you break up with her then?" 

"Because she deserves more than someone just picking her over being alone. And," Dan says, carefully. "She's not what I want anymore." 

"What do you want?" Phil asks. He feels like he barely has enough breath in his lungs to even get the words out. 

"If you'd asked me a week ago, I wouldn't have known," Dan says. 

"But you do now?" 

Dan nods. His eyes meet Phil's, shy and coy. 

"What do you want, Dan?" Phil asks. 

Dan cups Phil's cheek very gently and kisses him. 

*

“I’m not gay,” Dan says, pulling back. 

His pupils are blown and his lips are very red. 

“Okay,” Phil says. 

“I’m bisexual.” He says it like he’s imparting something very precious to him. 

“I don’t know what I am,” Phil admits. “But I want to kiss you more. You’re beautiful.” 

Dan looks impossibly pleased, and kisses him again. 

*

The tequila is forgotten. The game is forgotten. They stay on the floor, arms around each other, kisses and touches and tongues and learning how to navigate this new thing until they’re not even really drunk at all anymore, just sleepy and giddy on each other. 

*

They go to sleep that night in separate beds, grinning at each other across the space between. 

Dan falls asleep first, for the first time. Phil gets to watch until his eyes grow heavy. He can't stop smiling. 

Is it wrong to thank Ian for breaking his leg? He deserves a very nice souvenir, at least. 

*

"I've never made out with anyone before," Phil says. “Before you.” 

And that's what they're doing. They're making out on the swing on the front porch of the beach house, bodies turned in to each other and arms around each other, kissing until their lips are numb. 

His parents are out for the day. Martyn and his friend have buggered off to get into trouble somewhere else. They've got hours stretching in front of them and nothing better to do with their time than this. 

Dan laughs at him. "Is it wrong if I like that?" 

"Totally wrong," Phil says, and leans back in for more. 

*

Something changes, but also - nothing changes. 

It feels like they're both being careful, and what isn't said isn't so scary because every time their eyes meet Dan smiles and every time Phil leaves the room Dan's eyes follow him out. 

Not that he leaves Dan's side very often. 

*

Dan's under him, mouth warm and pressing, and Phil knows he's probably kissing with too much force and spit but he can't help it. This feeling squirming inside of him is totally new and he doesn't know what to do with it. 

Dan does, though, and Phil lets him push back and move them around until Dan's straddling Phil's lap and controlling the kiss with Phil helpless against him. 

"I've never-" Phil starts to say. He doesn't know what he wants, just that he wants something. 

Dan doesn't seem surprised. "I have. Just, um - tell me. If I do something you don't like." 

Phil laughs. The idea of not liking anything about this is ludicrous. But Dan seems serious so Phil nods and wraps his arms around Dan and kisses him again and again and again. 

The thing that surprises him most is when Dan rolls off of him and grabs his laptop. "Want to watch something?" 

Phil’s eyes go wide. “What?” 

Dan gives him a strange look, and then snorts. “Not porn, you pervert. Like, something normal.” 

“Not what I meant,” Phil mumbles, but Dan’s still laughing at him. He settles for shoving Dan a little too hard so Dan stops laughing and then asks, "Do you?" 

"Do I... what?" Dan asks. 

"Want to - stop?" He's frowning a little now. "Watch something instead of… that. What we were doing. I mean - was I doing something wrong?" 

"No," Dan says, and rests his head on Phil's shoulder. Phil's not sure if he's doing it for the closeness or so Phil can't see the expression on his face. "Is it weird if I say I only like sex sometimes?" 

It is, a little bit, to Phil. "What do you mean?" 

"Just that, it's nice, you know? But I think this is nicer." Dan’s so tense against him. He kisses the top of Dan's head, because he thinks Dan likes it when he does things like that. “And i’m not… in a hurry.” 

"Okay," Phil says. “That’s okay. I’m not in a hurry, either.” 

*

Dan is strange and complicated. He's all brashness and attitude, but he doesn't want to be at all. The second he thinks it's okay to let his guard down, everything that makes him hurt and makes him happy all comes tumbling out. 

It makes Phil feel out of his depth, but inspired to learn how to be more, smarter, stronger, better, to be what Dan needs. 

*

"I'm afraid of trees," Dan says. "Stupid, right?" 

They're laying on the beach again. Phil's coated in sun cream. 

(Dan helped him put it on, and then kindly didn’t remark on the situation that kept Phil sitting for an extra two minutes afterward.) 

Phil doesn't laugh. He's learned to take the things Dan says that seem the most like a joke the most seriously. "Really?" 

"That's why I didn't want you to leave the park that night. Because the trees were freaking me out." 

"Trees are nice. Like the Ents. Treebeard was friendly." 

"The Ents murdered an untold number of goblins, orcs, and Uruk Hai."

"Self defense." 

"Yeah, and we don't do enough to fuck over the trees to warrant it?" 

"Hm. Well." Phil then declares: "I'll protect you from the trees." 

Dan smiles, amused at his bravado. "I know the trees can't really hurt me. But it doesn't stop me being scared of them." 

"Then I'll just keep you company so you don't get scared," Phil decides. 

He's not surprised to feel Dan's fingers brush against his in the sandy space between their towels. 

*

He doesn't mean to tell his mum. 

It just kind of - slips out. He’s not used to not telling her things. She’s the one in his life that fixes all his problems, gives him advice, makes the world less confusing. 

He’s very confused right now. Not because he likes Dan. He’s fine with liking boys. He’s just not sure what it all _means_. 

"Dan's my boyfriend," he says. "I think." 

His mother is buttering a slice of toast. She stops, flat of the knife against the slightly over-browned bread, and looks at him. He watches her swallow carefully and it's terrifying how he can't read what's in her eyes at all. "Is that so, then? What about that pretty girl-"

"We dated for like, a week." He’s suddenly afraid in a way he wasn’t before. What if he’s judged his parents wrongly this whole time? What if they do care? Why did he even bring it up? 

"And you're sure?" She asks. 

"I like him," Phil says. "And I think he likes me. It's okay, right?"

His voice cracks when he asks the question. 

She puts the toast and the knife down, wiping a smear of butter from her finger onto a dish towel before crossing the distance between them to hug him. "Of course it is," she says, smiling, finally, and pressing a kiss to his cheek. "And you're a lovely boy, of course he likes you." 

"I didn't know when I invited him here," Phil says. "That he was... that he liked boys, too. I just wanted to get to know him. Because I like him."

“And now…” 

“He kissed me.” Phil goes red at saying it out loud, 

She just laughs and smooth is his hair back. “Oh, my little boy’s all grown up on me. Do I need to move you into different rooms?" 

Phil's eyes go wide. He hadn't even thought of that. "No, mum. Definitely not." 

She's kind of laughing at him, but it could be worse because she says, "All right, we're trusting you boys, then." and doesn't mention it again. 

*

He and Dan bike down to the shore to watch the sunset. They don’t make it in time to watch it from the beach, but that’s all right with Phil because the stars are beautiful, too. 

He works up the nerve to hold Dan’s hand after they lock their bikes in. Dan gives him one of those shy, happy smiles. 

“How late can we stay out?” Dan asks. He takes a step ahead, guiding Phil along until they find a stretch of sandy beach unoccupied. 

He has to let go of Phil’s hand to sit. Phil doesn’t quite like that, so he decides to be brave one more time and instead of sitting beside Dan, sits behind him and puts his arms around Dan’s waist. He leans forward and hooks his chin over Dan’s shoulder, and it isn’t but a moment until Dan catches on and leans back against Phil. “Should probably be back by ten,” Phil says. “Since I didn’t tell Mum or Dad we’d be out late.” 

Dan is still just grinning at him. “Hi.” 

His breath is close enough that Phil can feel it on his jaw. Phil grins back. “Hi.” 

Dan covers Phil’s arms with his own, like he’s keeping Phil from getting away. 

*

When they get back, he finds a plastic pharmacy bag containing a box of condoms on his bed. 

He refuses to leave his bedroom until noon the next day, until Dan points out that his parents might assume they've barricaded themselves in for a different reason altogether. 

Phil drags him into the lounge and sulks while Dan revels in his mortification. 

"Why doesn't this embarrass you?" Phil asks. He's not bitter. Much. 

Dan laughs. "Soz, mate. I'm shameless. Also, my parents have known I was having sex since I was fifteen and my little brother walked in on us and told on me." 

Phil's struck by the sudden awareness that he really hates the idea of Dan having sex with anyone but him. Curiosity still wins, though. "They didn't care?" 

Dan's expression darkens. "Just told me be safe and not to get her pregnant." 

"That's... bad?" 

Dan shrugs and then leans over, tucking himself into Phil's side. It's really not what Phil wants anyone to walk in on, but he hasn't gotten past feeling like he needs to hold his breath when Dan initiates something like this. Will he ever? 

It's kind of nice, the way Dan just soaks up his affection, either way. 

"Just makes me wonder what I'd have to do to make them really notice me," Dan says. "Like what your parents do with you." 

"Oh." Suddenly, Phil understands. He wraps his arm around Dan and kisses the top of his head. "It just sounds like they trust you, to me." 

"They might decide they care when I bring you home." Dan sounds almost pleased at the idea. 

"Is that why..." Phil trails off, aware that he started talking before really thinking it through. 

"Why what?" Dan asks. 

"Why you broke up with your girlfriend. Why you... like me?" He really wishes he knew how to shut himself up. 

"No." Dan sits up and looks at him, frowning intensely. "Please don't - don't think that. Because it isn't true." 

He looks more upset than Phil would have counted on. 

"I believe you," Phil says, and reaches out until Dan leans back against him again. 

*

Phil gets out of the shower that evening to find Dan curled up on the wrong bed. He joins Dan, thinking at first that he's asleep, and maybe he can steal a cuddle. 

But he's not. He's just laying there, something bad and wrong and sad cloaking him. 

"You probably don't want to be my boyfriend." Dan's voice is shaky before he even starts, trembling with the breath he inhales before speaking. 

Phil listens. 

"I get sad a lot," Dan says. "And moody. " 

Phil reaches down and takes Dan's hand. Dan jerks his head around to look at Phil. Somehow, the wetness in his eyes isn't surprising. Dan squeezes his fingers back, locking in so hard it almost hurts. 

"Sometimes I just don't want to talk to anyone. Or even get out of bed." One of the tears makes it's way out, dripping sideways down Dan's face. He reaches up with his free hand to wipe it away, leaving moisture smeared on his skin. "I'm hard to deal with." 

"Okay." Phil isn't sure what else he needs to say, but that must be the right thing because Dan rolls into his arms and presses his face to Phil's shoulder and lets Phil hold him while he cries a little. "That's okay."

Dan doesn't go back to his own bed that night. 

*

Phil wakes at half nine terrified his mum will come in the room but unwilling to move until he hears his parents leave. He creeps into the kitchen and makes toaster waffles and pours maple syrup into a little pot and crisps up bacon on the stovetop, all while Dan is still asleep. 

He feels sneaky doing it, and a little bit grown up in a way he's never felt before. 

It's completely worth it for the way he gets to watch Dan's sleepy confusion turn into surprise and that wide, open smile as he sits up and looks at what Phil has made them. 

"Breakfast in bed, wow. You don't do this by halves, do you?" His voice is crackly and his hair is mussed and curling around the edges. Phil's heart thumps in a painfully fond way. 

"Never done this before at all, so I wouldn't even know what halves were." Phil gets back under the blankets with Dan. "Get your laptop, we can watch something while we eat." 

Hours later, the breakfast tray has been cast away onto the floor and they're still in bed, bodies curved at convex angles with their heads on the same pillow and the laptop between them. 

It's not the worst way to spend a morning, Phil decides. In fact, it may be the best. 

*

"How do you feel?" Phil asks. 

He keeps asking, now and then. Just because he can. He thinks he can, at least. 

Dan gives him a bemused smile. He sees right through Phil. "Right now?" He looks away, and then back down at the way they're holding hands. "Happy. Honestly." 

Phil can feel the way his own face lights up. "Yeah?" 

"Yeah." Dan laughs. 

"Because of me?" Phil pushes it a little. 

"Maybe." Dan answers. "A bit, I guess." 

"You guess?" Phil bumps their hips together, swings their hands. 

"You're such an idiot," Dan says, but fondly. 

It's not the first time in his life that Phil's been called that, but it's the only time it's ever made him smile so. 

*

Phil gets his first even blowjob in the middle of the day. He tells Dan a dozen times in little ways that he doesn't have to do this if he doesn't want to but Dan just laughs and says, "Woke up wanting it," and pushes Phil back to the bed. 

He's not sure how Dan manages to look beautiful with a dick in his mouth, but he does and the sight will surely linger in the back of Phil's mind during lonely nights for a long time to come. 

Even better is the way Dan feels when Phil returns the favor with touches and an eager tongue, but the best - the very best - is curling up together after knowing that this means something to them both. 

*

"We talk about me too much," Dan says. "Tell me about you." 

They're playing Mario Kart on the tv in the lounge. Martyn and his friend are out. Phil's parents are just outside, getting set up for the barbecue they're going to have in a couple of hours. 

"Um." Phil instantly goes uncomfortable, shifting around. He's too busy wondering how to answer to notice Dan's frown at the sudden inches between them. "I don't know. Not much to tell." 

"That's a lie," Dan says. 

"Oh yeah? And you're the expert, are you?" Phil grins to lighten the words. 

"On lying? Sure am."

"Tell me the latest lie you told," Phil challenges. 

"You're just trying to redirect the conversation." Dan finishes first in the race, then lets his controller rest idly on his lap. 

"Why do you want to know about me?" Phil tries to start the next game, but it's impossible with Dan not cooperating. "I'm boring." 

"I think you're the most interesting person I've ever met," Dan says, voice quiet. 

Phil's fingers still on the controller. "I'm really not." 

"Yeah. You are." Dan sits up. "You invited someone you've never even talked to before on a trip across the ocean with you. You talked to me like you know me, like you care, when we were basically strangers who just happened to inhabit the same building for a few hours every day. And when I do talk, you listen and you understand me like no one else in my life ever has. Phil, you're fucking fascinating, and I just - I want to know you. I want to know what makes a person so amazing." 

"Dan." Phil can feel how red his face is, and his heart is pounding in a funny way. "I'm not that selfless, you know. I had a - I liked you. For a while." 

Dan tilts his head at Phil. "You never even talked to me." 

"Yeah, well. I just thought you were cute." Phil laughs. "And I got over it, mostly. Until I saw you that day." 

"And you-" Dan stops talking. "Damn, you're good. You made it about me again." 

"Didn't mean to," Phil says, weakly. "I just don't know what you want to hear." 

Dan glances behind them, checking to see that Phil's parents are still outside, then he leans forward and kisses Phil on the mouth. "Everything. But if you don't want to talk now, that's fine. I'll just need to make sure you stick around long enough for me to work it out of you." 

"I will," Phil says. He kisses Dan again, letting it linger. "I'll be around for as long as you want me." 

Dan mouths something with his lips close enough for it to be an almost-kiss, but Phil can't figure out what it is. He's about to ask when the door opens behind them and Dan leans away, picking up the controller to start another game. 

*

They've got one day left in Florida. 

"I want to go swimming again," Dan says. "Let's walk, though?" 

The sun is hot and they're both sweaty by the time they reach the shore. 

"Come in the water," Dan says, pleading with his bottom lip tucked between his teeth. It's ridiculous, and it's cute, and Phil is weak for it. “What is it that scares you?” 

“Things swimming in the water. Things touching me.” 

Dan grins and grabs his hands. “What if I’m the thing touching you in the water?” 

“Dan!” Phil is mildly scandalized, except - not really at all. He lets Dan drag him in until the water is lapping at their knees. 

“It’s not so bad, right?” Dan asks. He lets go of Phil and goes in deeper, swimming.

Phil isn’t entirely convinced, but the way Dan’s shoulders and back move in the water provide good motivation for forward momentum. 

Dan doesn’t stop until they’re treading water. He swims in close to Phil and doesn’t tease him, for which Phil is eternally grateful. Instead, he just wraps his arms around Phil’s waist and lets their kicking legs tangle a little. “I don’t want to leave here.” 

Phil lets Dan hold him up, kissing saltwater from Dan’s shoulder. He feels clumsy with the gesture but Dan’s arms tighten around him. 

“Me either,” Phil says. “Might like to move back to the shore, though.” 

Dan pulls back to laugh, but at the same time starts guiding them back at a lazy pace, closer to shallow water. “Still don’t get what you’re so scared of.” 

“Me either,” Phil admits. “But I don’t like things I don’t know.” 

“You liked me, and you didn’t know me.” Dan is teasing, but probably also not. 

“Yeah,” Phil says. “But I was fairly sure you didn’t have tentacles.” 

“Only _fairly_ sure?” Dan asks. They’re talking in quiet voices, the wind ruffling their hair. 

“A reasonable amount of surety.” Phil closes his eyes, and pays attention to the way he can feel Dan’s chest moving against his own with every breath. 

And then he screams. It’s brief, almost more of a squeal, then he’s frantically swimming back to the shore. 

“Phil, it was just a fish!” Dan calls out, laughing and chasing after him. 

*

Back at the house, their suitcases are half-repacked and then abandoned on the floor. 

"I do want to be your boyfriend." Phil answers a question Dan asked days ago now. He's just been waiting for the right moment to bring it up again, and this seems like a good one. He kisses the curve of Dan's neck. "I want to be able to do this at school, too." 

"No," Dan says. "Because if you did _that_ at school I'd be popping boners in every class." 

Phil snickers. 

Dan slaps him on the shoulder. "No! You pervert!" 

Phil rests his hand on Dan's stomach, fingers tugging up the hem of it. He's sure they're past the point of implied permission to touch but he still feels a nervous thrill at working his way up to skin on skin. 

"I mean it, though," Phil says. "Would you let me kiss you at school?" 

He expects a no. He doesn't expect Dan's eyes to turn shyly down as he says, "You'd really want to? I'm not exactly..."

"Dan." Phil is slightly incredulous. "Of course I would want to. You aren't what?" 

Dan shrugs. "I just mean, it's not going to help your reputation any. I already get called names. Probably would have gotten my ass kicked, without my ex's friends saving my ass just as a favor to her." 

"I'll protect you." Phil sits up, raising his arms to show off non-existent biceps. Dan laughs and grabs at his shirt with fisted fingers, pulling him back down. 

(Phil likes that Dan doesn't want him too far away.)

* 

The last night in Florida, they play board games with the family. 

They're on the same team and they lose horribly, but Dan smiles more and talks more and laughs more. When Phil's mum makes them pose for a photo together, Phil puts his arm around Dan and turns to kiss his cheek impulsively. 

"I want a copy of that one, please," Dan says to Mrs. Lester. 

"Of course, dear." She reaches out and strokes his hair. She's always been an affectionate person, that's where Phil got it from. "I'll get one printed out for you and you can pick it up next time you're around to see Phil. Which, I'm just supposing, will be often?" 

Dan's cheeks go a little pink. "Yeah. I think so." 

*

“This won’t change when we get back home?” Dan asks. 

They’re sleeping in the same bed tonight. It might be embarrassing if someone walks in, but they’ve both got clothes on and Phil doesn’t care much. 

Phil kisses Dan, again and again and again because kisses make Dan warmer the same way hugs and touches do. By the time he pulls back, Dan’s practically in his lap. 

He feels like he’s fallen very far, very fast and a lot of things will be different once they’re back in their own homes and not spending every moment of the day together, but he thinks he knows what Dan means by _this_ so he’s confident when he says, “Not if I can help it.” 

*

They hold hands on the plane, but they don't talk much. 

The sadness in Dan feels thick today. Phil wants to help him. He wants to make it better, so he pulls out his ipod and finds his favorite Muse album and hands Dan one of his earbuds. 

Dan just stares at it for a moment and then he smiles, putting it in. They lean so close that their heads touch and their hands meet again. Together, they listen to the music play.

**Author's Note:**

> [Read and reblog on tumblr!](http://slightlydizzier.tumblr.com/post/142807094009/speeding-through-red-lights-into-paradise)


End file.
